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Pardon me if I cough and hack, for it's been almost a year since I've used this poor journal..
-excuse the absence, I promise I've been keeping an eye open every now and then (and a few of you a little more if you're on facebook, since facespace and mybook rule the interwebs XD) but there's just not a whole lot to write about... but I've found that to be a deception. I think the fact that I haven't written, and I mean write - not just quick quips and phrases but actually WRITE something, anything in a while has been slowly clogging up my ability to be truly and smoothly creative. Admittedly - I've had a bit of creative fun with some D&D stuff, but it's not quite the same as sitting down and writing/creating your own world of fantastical/surreal/whimsical plots and events - and specifically characters.
The joy of my writing experience has always been poetics and the ability to create unusual characters. Okay, maybe they're not always unusual - but they are hardly ever flat, unbending creatures of unique characteristics.

So my goal is to write, to get the "pen" flowing again. As such there will be random entries on here, whether it be character concepts, poems, or just autobiographical items. I need to get my brain working fluidly again.

That being said, feel free to shoot me inspiration - whether it be art, ideas, comments, poems, songs. Whatever you think of. I can't promise that it will necessarily work but I'm willing to expand my mind.

I look forward to dwelling back into the groove of LJ land.

Live, Love, and Laugh

Wandering in: Springpatch
Mood: contemplative contemplative
Eargasm?: Hallow's Eve - Type O Negative

3 comments or Speak your Mind
Well, I suppose I would like to start with saying that you don't know how much you use and enjoy the internet until you don't have it any more. My schedule has been very busy lately, so it has become increasingly difficult to set aside time to run over to campus and use their internet. This just provokes me into trying to see if I could fit internet into my budget.

Starting roughly three weeks ago I started working at Kum&Go, which is conveniently about two minutes away from my house in Springpatch. I trained for a couple days before I was told I would start a different training since they wanted to see if I could take over a position for 3rd shift. Once I started that training I found out my trainer and new boss is actually a friend from college. This is freakin hilarious and awesome, seeing as we get along awesomely and work really well together (when we together, that is)

It's not too bad, I get paid roughly $8 an hour, and most of the job feels more like janitor work/ security. I don't mean to say that we get a lot of rough or dangerous people, but drunk people usually take a quick wit to deal with so as not to make them upset. The most clerk work I do is from 10 - 1:30 which is ringing up the last rush of people getting beer before I switch the registers over from night and make everything neat and calculated for the morning people. Most of the job is stocking food, soda and alcohol.
Despite doing a lot of this janitorial work, I am very happy for my job. I got pretty much what I asked for: Work with my hands, use my brain a bit - though not rocket science, help people out, learn new things, and experience different kinds of people.

I work five days out of a week, 10pm to 6am, with a little give and take. I also found out that after 6 months Kum&Go offers a scholarship of some sort, which would be awesome because I really want to continue my education in the classroom.

I've already been saving up for FoS, and I hope to have a nice chunk of money for gas, registration, and shiny things! Jess is going with me this year and I am very excited to introduce her to the Kindred and all the other shiny, awesome people I met at the festival. Perhaps I shall even have some arts & Crafts to use as barter... hmmm, my muses have been running amok, though sometimes in a rather random and confusing way.

Jess and I have been discussing going to a ren faire before FoS as well, which would be awesome - I love Renaissance Festivities so much. Besides, if we manage to go to the Ren then we may bring our outfits with us to FoS. [on a side note, I may be learning archery, in which case I have my eye on a lovely Archer's robe that's floating around the internets, it is a beautiful hunter-green and it makes me have semi-eye-gasms]

Life outside of work and anticipating FoS is rather typical, which isn't a bad thing at all:
On April 4th, Jess and I had our 6th month anniversary, which is amazing. We didn't get a chance to do anything special, but we tend to do random special things all the time, so I'm not too upset about it.

I've been carving staffs, tooling leather, and coming up with ideas for wood-burning projects; though I haven't had time to sit down and get an entire project done yet. As soon as the weather cooperates and stays steady I will finish the walking staff I am working on, then proceed to decide what kind of designs I want to etch/burn onto it.

I miss everyone so very, very much. There are too many names to miss, but with my sleep schedule the way it is and the lack of internet I have more-or-less lost contact with many people.. which is zehr sad and unfortunate. I love you all, and I wish you all happiness.

I must leave the wonderful internet for now, but I hope to visit again soon to check up on you all and to leave more updates.

Live, love, and laugh

aka Sexy Jesus

Mood: accomplished accomplished

1 comment or Speak your Mind
So, as a bit of a wrap-up for everyone reading this (and I suppose, for me if I ever go back and read these) School was officially over for me as of Yesterday, the 18th of December!!!

Wooo-freakin-Hoo! Unfortunately, I couldn't pay all of this semester's bill [a grand total of $3,579.10] nor can I start to even pay for next semester. So it seems as if schooling in the ways of University are going to be put on hold as I go off for furthering my other Educations of all other things. Like apartments, rats, conserving money, learning to sing better, playing my Djembe more proficiently, making/spinning poi, and some new magickal things that have popped up.

I understand that life goes on, and perhaps schooling isn't what I need right now. Though I will likely be doing my best to learn more of various things - as mentioned above. Right now, my goals are pretty simple, though I'm sure they will grow.

I am off to find a job after Yule, that way I can avoid working on it.
I am putting aside small amounts of money from here and there so that I can save up for gas and registration for the great FoS. [I think... I'll take my car this time.]
I am saving up the majority of my money so that I can get a new place with my lovely lady, and then we can go from there.

See? Simple.

Now, because my attention span is starting to flutter away, my YES list.

1. My birthday on the 13th was full of family fun and lots of lovely messages from friends.

2. I 'inherited' a few family recipes from my mother and my aunt, this is an epic YES. Old german food for The Win.

3. My dad has been doing pretty well with his nerve/back issues. He is still a bit of a hobbling ol' man - but at least he's stopped trying to be Mr.'Do everything and anything'

4. Even with having some knee surgery, my brother is fairing quite well. The meds they have him on make him a bit brain-dead at times. [like, I need to ask him a question a couple times] but otherwise he's also hobbling around with the help of a cane.

5. I made some make-shift poi devices to see if I remember the things K taught me, and I indeed do! Next step: Go get some thigh-highs and some bean-bags!!!

6. I have a new ring, with a craved wolfhead on it. I loves it!

7. My SO has been addicted to Witch's Rune, I hear it at least three times a day now. It is quite nice. [I am usually drumming along by the second time it is played.]

8. Today is a wonderfully sunny day!

9. I will actually be able to celebrate Yule this year with local friends! This is another Epic Yes.

9 3/4. My YES list went past 9!

10. I am and have been [aside from a peanut attack] pretty darn healthy, and I am ready to fill this new year with love, happiness, positive mental attitude, good vibrations, laughter, and everything else that makes this life a Shiny place to exist.

Mood: optimistic optimistic
Eargasm?: Witch's Rune

Speak your Mind
Find your Dewey Decimal Section at Spacefem.com</div> </div>

One for my pen-name, and then one for my alias developed from FoS =

Find your Dewey Decimal Section at Spacefem.com</div> </div>

On a side note, I'm currently working on some 'lovely' math homework... which isn't too hard - but math always has a way of making my attention span little to none. I am doing fine and dandy, though I worry about a couple friends. Dammit- I would so give out hugs and such if I lived closer to my pagany people in the Tennessee area... I need to save up for a road trip, I've decided.

I might be getting a job working at a movie theater, which might be neat. What else? I'm not quite sure...

I've been writing more poetry, coming up with ceramic designs despite not having any ceramic material to work with. I've been experiencing an interesting demon, and a few interesting things about snakes lately. Inquire if you want to know more..

I've decided that sometimes it's hard to tell what parts of you change and what parts just decide to wake up from being asleep for so long.

I'm frustrated with my energy work here lately... it's like my 'hands' are covered in an oil and the energy slips out of them. I feel more aggressive and easier to provoke. Eating a lot of food helps, but generally that just makes me lazy and want to smoke more cigarettes. On a side note, I keep forgetting that not everyone that reads this is familiar with energy and such and will possibly give me a look like 'you are one crazy ass' ...though perhaps not. I dunno.
I think my thought process has given up on a filter... which is interesting because in that process I think I loss part of the filter between what I think and what I say - not that there was much of one to begin with.

Hmm... does anyone have questions? Generally? Specifically? If I get a couple of them, they might be worthy of a prompt for my next post.

On another side note, I think I might need to pay more attention and research towards Cernunnos - I've been referred to as him - jokingly- once and a few other things have been pointing towards him... sooooo, I think that might mean something.

I'm going to go finish work... I miss lazily hanging out with a crowd of people and getting tiny bits of work done at a time. That... energy was always refreshing. Like curling up in front of a fireplace...

Good-bye everyone, until we meet again.


Curiosus Lupus

Wandering in: Woods 703
Mood: tired tired
Eargasm?: Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole - Martha Wainwright

1 comment or Speak your Mind
I'm not sure I know exactly where to begin. FoS turned out a great deal better then I expected. I have discovered so many people that I grew to enjoy and love - for those of you I added on here, you will always have the brightest of blessings from me.

So... when everyone managed to help out with getting me home I managed to not cry... but once I got on that bus and started my journey home, I silently cried and sent as many prayers and blessings as I could to all the lovely people that were at the festival. This was definitely an experience that touched my soul, and I promise to be around more often (whether you like it or not, dammit)

I no longer feel as if home is such a solid concept, it used to be springfield, and nixa, and virginia - as well as a couple people (A witchy teacher, currently pepsi lugging penguin-lover, and a couple others) but now I feel as if my home exploded and the essence of it went out to everyone that I connected with. Everywhere is home (which sucks kind of, because I have a constant feeling of home-sickness now)

Alright, I have got to stop this mushy crap... sorry... but I mean it all.

I'm working on a piece about my experience, but it will take a while to get it all done correctly.
The energy of many welcomes winds through and around the arriving population,
smell of dampness, of autumn leaves and cigarette smoke flows as anticipation grows.
new faces open to new faces with hugs and handshakes.
Small crafts celebrating Craft - for currency or barter.
An evening of preperation for following days-
A rough idea of the first impressions of the first day... bear with me as I look back at it all and scold myself for not taking enough notes.

And, in a final way of farewell for this post - I leave you with the fun-filled lines that are stuck in my head

We are a polygon, within a polygon...

eep, gods... that's never going to leave me alone.

~Nyx, aka Sexy Jesus
Rideo Lupus
latter ulv (some Norwegian, just to change things up)

Mood: amused amused
Eargasm?: Where is My Mind? - Pixies

4 comments or Speak your Mind
Well... that was misleading... 'beautiful' was perhaps a bit too much sarcastic comment, but you really can't hear the tone over the internet.

I got fired tonight... seriously, I just want to curl up after it all. I worked hard and late, I know I will have a hard time getting up in the morning, and my current state of being tells me I will have to fight hard to will myself to go to classes in the morning.

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands..........


Well... good night everyone. May your days be a bit more shiny than mine have been this week.
I truly mean this.

1 comment or Speak your Mind
Slowly sinking. I think I will keep my head above the waves, somehow. But I think if I wasn't asked to stay out of a rutt, I would passively sink below and experience the change of view.

Meh. I can't say much because I promised myself I would wait to talk about it in long written form after the emotional rawness worn off.

Love you all.
Speak your Mind
So a couple days ago there was a sticky note in the room saying "I'm gay" from my roommate, right? Well apparently it was written by someone else in the hall to be funny. It would seem that my roommate isn't gay, but a good ol' straight boy (which is completely fine!) But he wound up coming in at 1am and proceeded to ask me about my orientation. Typically I just respond to questions like this with a simple "I'm Bi" which is more or less, a lie. I think of myself as more of a pansexual, y'know the whole: I love people and worry about gender/biological sex later. I know that's really simple - but right now I am being a lazy fool and don't feel like describing the term using witty phrasing and political correctness.

I spent three hours explaining to him how I perceive things and how it makes me see myself as a pansexual and he listened very intently. I think we will still get along just fine, if his open mindedness keeps up. He seemed very interested, if not a bit confused, so I fell asleep at 4am feeling content and as if I had accomplished something.

I am currently relaxing, listening to Celtic Chill and waiting for a certain girl that shares a name with my baby girl (my cat) to get out of class. I also await my lovely lover to text me saying he wants to hang out - but I have decided to go do my own things and not hold my breath. If he contacts me, I will gladly find him and hug him. Until then, I will amuse and distract myself and attempt to catch up with as many people as possible.

Much love to you all and to the cereal bars that have been keeping my stomach happy this morning/day.

Eargasm?: Celtic Chill - The Wishing Tree

Speak your Mind
It feels so good to get things out, but I wonder if I jump on here too quick to write about things.

I believe that we will do fine, and that I can handle this. It will make me stronger.

A couple yes list entries..

1. I got told I looked more mature (older) by my lovely Perkins. I take his word very much to heart, so it meant a lot. I feel older, but I'm glad that it at least shows and that I don't seem like some young twit.

2. I found out my roommate is gay, though if only in the form of a short note saying "I'm gay" I look forward to discussing things with him.

3. I realize that I have so much love inside of me, even if it has to swirl through the dark crap that settles there too. Most of the negative can be cleansed and set to rest - but I've realized some of it is just how I am. If my soul were a painting, I'd like to think it would be beautiful. Not a 'full-of-myself' comment... just... looking at it from an artistic point of view.

Peace, love, and pop-tarts.

Speak your Mind
and I feel like he doesn't want me anymore. Maybe I just don't understand people as well as I'd like to think I do.

"It was nice to see you and hear from you all the time this first year, it was new for me and a change - I always like change. I need change. I just need to be more independent now, I'd love to be able to hang out with my friends and if you were there I'd like to be able to relax and not have to worry about thinking of you as my boyfriend but as a friend."

What the bloody flying fuck? So.... what is this? How am I supposed to feel about this... does he just not want to be romantically involved with me anymore? It was around this time of the relationship that a certain bird sang the same song to me, though I'm not sure if they ARE the same song. The bird's went more along the lines of "I love you, I'm just not in love with you."
I guess I'm just not interesting enough after a year.

"I know I said we should talk more often, but here lately you've just been too clingy. I know it's because school is starting up but you have to realize you're not my number one priority. You know how I feel about clingyness."

At this point in the conversation I have chain smoked three stick of cancer and get told I look nervous and scared and that I shouldn't be. "You should be glad I'm here, shouldn't you?"
It sounds like a cocky statement... but the way he said it didn't come off as cocky.

I just don't know anymore. Sometimes I hate leaving my heart in someone's hand only for them to, knowingly or unknowingly, repeatedly damage it in some way. Have I done something so karmically wrong to get this? I don't know - I don't think so, but I don't know.

I am so horrible when it comes to dealing with these things, and sometimes I hate myself for it. I am not sure if I will be able to go to work like this, I am just not that good at concealing my emotions.

pectus dolor

Mood: pessimistic pessimistic
Eargasm?: my roommate sleeping

4 comments or Speak your Mind